11 Names I Called Our Former President

I would like to bid our fearless leader a not-so-fond farewell by ending our eight years together with a list of the nicknames I not-so-affectionately bestowed upon him during the course of the time in which he had influence over my life.

Ride off into the sunset, HisHighness. I truly hope that I never see or hear from you again. Oh, and for all of you libs out there, my disdain is for the lacking of his character, not the color of his skin. Thank goodness that for at least the next four years, when I disagree with Taco Bowls, you won’t all immediately think I am a racist.

Who can forget when the Bush girls revealed to the world that their mom’s nickname for their dad was “Bushie”? I still call George the Great Satan Junior that to this day. So, when it came time for a new President to take office in 2009, I lazily just applied the same moniker to him until I learned a bit more about him. Hence, HisHigness’s first nickname was “Obamie”.

But that nickname did not last long at all. After watching our new President get a Nobel Peace Prize for simply winning the election and having a new skin color for an American President, and then going on a whirlwind apology tour where he bowed to everyone from Saudia Arabia to Japan and back again, I applied the new official nickname of “The Leader”. This was a two-part nickname. One part was to serve in irony for the complete and total lack of leadership I felt HisHigness showed on the world stage during that first year by calling him “The Leader”. The second was a very affectionate nod to my love of The Simpsons and an episode where Homer and a large number of the town’s people followed a highly unqualified false prophet and cult leader known as “The Leader”. I really felt this nickname was apt and thought it might stick for some time, but alas, it would not last long, either.

By the end of 2009, it was becoming apparent that HisHighness had sold everyone on all of the amazing magic that he was going to accomplish – things like transparency and reaching across the aisle. These were some of the very reasons that a lot of people voted for him, but by now, it was becoming apparent that none of these magical concepts were going to come to fruition. Also, it was becoming apparent that some of the other magic reasons that people had voted for him – race baiting come to an end, people not having to make their car payments, and everyone getting free cell phones – were not coming to fruition, either. And henceforth, at least until the next nickname, I knew HisHighness as “The Magician”. Of course, this nickname was also thanks to the magic of what we would later come to know as Obamacare.

Here is an excerpt from my December 5, 2009 blog post: “I call him The Magician because I think the only way for his Healthcare initiatives to work as he is selling them would be through magic. He says that he is going to find and cut all of the existing spending necessary to pay for $1 trillion in new spending after the money has already been spent (a common practice of politicians who end up never cutting the existing spending after the fact), cram people who have no money to pay for services into the healthcare system without increasing its capacity, and somehow reduce the cost of care to the people who are paying for the system, and somehow still increase the quality of care that everyone is receiving. There is only one way that this can be achieved...magic!”

Not long after being christened as “The Magician”, HisHighness was christened “The Messiah”. This was his nickname for a small chunk of 2010 that stemmed from the fact that despite the realization that the healthcare reform magic numbers were never going to come to fruition, people still blindly followed HisHighness no matter what. Everyone was realizing that it was all a magic show, but rather than criticize, they had faith and kept following no matter what. They kept telling us to have faith, too – to give him time – he had only been in office for a little while, but was still going to accomplish his miracles despite the odds, kind of like you-know-who.

I shook my head as his followers offered no words of criticism and began to accuse anyone who did criticize with a certain form of –ism. But it was actually a movie – a Russell Crowe movie at that – that would end HisHighness’s “The Messiah” nickname and convert it to “The Master & Commander”. That was the movie where Russell Crowe played a ship’s captain – its master and commander, if you will – during which no matter what happened, no matter how bad his mistakes were, and no matter how much he harmed the ship and its crew, he still thumped his chest and said he was “The Master & Commander”. Come hell or high water, we were stuck with this horrible captain.
“The Master & Commander” nickname actually stuck the longest of any of the early nicknames, though from 2010 to the early part of 2012, I peppered in some other nicknames like “The Weakling-In-Chief” and “The Fence-Sitter In Chief”.

But, it was during a little thing known as the U.S. Presidential election of 2012 that the next nickname became painfully apparent. It was started when a certain hopeful female presidential candidate’s staffers, I am sure with absolutely no blessing whatsoever in any way, shape or form from her, started to once again bring up questions about HisHighness’s birthplace. The fact that I read some bits and pieces of that propaganda autobio book and watched a lot of news footage of HisHighness’s ancestral homeland probably also helped me bestow upon him the name of “The Kenyan”.

And “The Kenyan” nickname he would remain until HisHighness came out and said that he was sick and tired of everyone calling his horrible Affordable Care Act debacle Obamacare. As the man tried to distance himself from his namesake legacy legislation as we all came to realization that we were right about how bad it sucked, he wanted us to stop calling it Obamacare, so I started calling him “Obamacare” instead, so we would never forget who gave us the steaming pile that it still remains to this day.

I did call HisHighness “Obamacare” for quite some time, but in December of 2013, I lovingly began to call him “President What’s-His-Name”. That truly stemmed from the fact that at this point, a good chunk into his second term, I was truly ready for a change and because I was thinking what most of us were thinking - isn’t it time for “President What’s-His-Name” to go already?

I know I switched back and forth from all of the nicknames at this point for a little while as well, but it was in December of 2015, motivated by all of the presidential orders that he decreed upon us once he could not get the rest of his legacy laws passed legally, that I began to call him “HisHighness”. And that is the name that has stuck through to today, HisHighness’s last day in office.

The man who took office with so much hope for change – that this time, it was going to be different – not only gave us very little transparency, but also gave us such ironies as forcing his will on a majority of people that did not agree with him through decree and becoming the first Nobel Peace Prize Winner with a kill list and drones that rained death from above. Truly, he was a king’s king, ruling the land with privilege like $100 million in tax-payer funded vacations all the while blaming everything that went wrong during his reign on the privilege of others and doing more to divide his people than any other leader in their history.

So, HisHighness, today, I bid you and all of your nicknames farewell. Today, I celebrate the end of your ability to influence our lives and divide the people of this great land.

Graphic by Public Domain Pictures via Pixabay

Those Who Seek To Divide Us...

I have long believed that deep in her heart, America is not as divided as the media, career politicians, and other power seekers would like us to think. I believe that deep down, most Americans want a better life for their families, want to be left alone to pursue their dreams, and wish to simply live life as they see fit. I know that is all I want – to be left alone, to be allowed to keep the fruits of my labor, and to live life as I see fit according to my beliefs.

Naturally, while I do believe these are the things we all want in life here in America, I do recognize that we currently have differences in opinion about how we can obtain these dreams. I would argue, however, that the dividers like the media, politicians, and other power seekers, for their own benefit and to the detriment of the rest of us, have created these differences in opinion by continuing to divide us into pre-defined groups. The side effect of which, has been the distraction of far too many Americans from attaining their dreams, and instead, an unnecessary, continued concentration on the overly inflated differences between us.

Those who seek to divide us for their own prosperity and continued existence, seek to divide us according to things like gender, race, career choice, and net worth, when instead they should be using their voices to unite us as a nation. They should be using their voices to bridge the real gap between us – those who see America as the land of opportunity where anything can be achieved regardless of those very things the dividers use to divide us, and those who have been so pummeled with the divisive message that they have come to believe it, and wrongly, now live their very lives by it instead of fighting against it.

Here is an example of how these dividers quietly accomplish this goal, which also leads to the revelation that this divisiveness is what has put us into the two camps that, in turn, the dividers point to and say is the reason we are divided, instead of admitting that, in fact, they are the source of our divisiveness.

Each year, Time magazine selects a person of the year that they claim, for better or worse, has been the most influential person in the world. This time around, they naturally have chosen Donald Trump. In the video in which Time Editor-in-Chief, Nancy Gibbs, explains why they chose Trump, she states: 

“One of the things that was remarkable in going to see him to interview him is to be in that penthouse, which is the most ostentatious imaginable marble and mirrors and gold, and see him in the suit and the diamond cufflinks. There’s a kind of dissidence that we pressed him about of how is it that the billionaire is the tribune of the working man? He said he thought that it had to do with that he wasn’t a phony – that there have certainly been wealthy politicians before who in some cases would bend over backwards to make themselves appear like the common man, or do anything that they could, eating the corn dog at the Iowa state fair, and wearing a flannel shirt in New Hampshire. I think he had a very strong instinct that his wealth and the flamboyant display of his wealth was not a liability, that it was actually an asset.”

This statement got me thinking about one of the most staunch and apparent differences in what the Time magazine cover calls “The Divided States of America”, as well as the root cause of this difference. I agree that we are a nation divided – a nation divided in principles and a nation divided in hopes and aspirations. And while I agree there are racists and homophobes and all sorts of others –ists –isms and –phobes living out there on the fringe ends of the political spectrum in this country, I also believe that a large majority of Americans are actually none of these things that the dividers use to steer us to their desired end through fear.

I do, however, believe there is a very real chasm between two sides in this country, and it is one that we must address – one that is clearly pointed out in Nancy Gibbs’ statements about how a billionaire could possibly serve as the tribune of the hard working people of America, and we can explain this phenomenon in two words: aspiration and perspective.

Ask a conservative who they blame for their plight in America today and they will say the government. Ask that same conservative what the key is to prosperity and they will tell you business. Ask a liberal who they blame for their plight in America today, and they will say business. Ask that same liberal what the key is to prosperity and they will tell you government. Granted, reality is not as clearly defined as this example, but you can easily see the relevance of this take on the American political spectrum today.

If you do not believe that you can achieve anything in this country because there is an entire group of people – business people – holding you back, then you see a successful businessman like Trump as an embodiment of the evil that is conspiring against you. If you believe that you can achieve anything in this country because those business people build companies and provide jobs, then you see a successful businessman like Trump and the embodiment of hope and aspiration.

If you believe that the entire corporate structure in America has been stacked against you, then you look to the government for salvation. If you believe that the entire government superstructure in America has been created to steal the fruits of your labor, then you look to business for salvation.

And this is why you can pluck one working man off of the street – one who has bought into the liberal idea that the cards in America are stacked against him and that there is this mythical group of –ists, -isms, and –phobes constantly working against him – and have that working man tell you that Trump is history’s greatest monster, yet can pluck another working man off the street – one who has bought into the conservative idea that America is the land of opportunity and anything can be achieved if he plays by the rules and works hard, and that there is no mythical group of –ists, -isms, and –phobes, only a bloated government that needs his hard-earned money to survive and perpetuate itself – and have that working man tell you that Trump is an aspirational figure that represents that working man’s own potential for success in America today.

I hate to continue to narrow the differences caused by the divisiveness perpetuated by the media, politicians, and power seekers down to such a clearly defined line, but let me give you one more example. You take a young person in their early 20s who has just started their career and you show them a picture of what embodies success to them, and then ask if they too can achieve that success, and you will get one of two responses.

I believe the person who was raised on the idea that they were born in the greatest country in the world that provides people with the greatest opportunity to make something of their lives will tell you that they most definitely aspire to the success in the picture, and that their aspirations of success are achievable.

I also believe the person who was raised on the idea that they were born in an oppressive country that is filled with –ists, –isms, and -phobes that are constantly working against them will tell you that the type of success in the picture can only make someone miserable, that success of that type can only be achieved on the backs of others, and that not only is the scene in the picture not attainable for them, but in fact, is the last thing that they would want for their life, even though the image actually and truly embodies that person’s very definition of success.

And this is where the dividers have left us. They have successfully used their voice to classify us into every category under the sun and divide us into all these tiny little groups, which have led us to unite these groups into two camps – the so-called haves, and the so-called have-nots – even though each one of us has the same opportunities in life here in America. Yes, not entirely exactly the same, but still, the best opportunity of anyone else in any other time on this planet. Then, we all fight amongst each other while the dividers perpetuate their message of division, further solidifying their own existence in this world by point to us and blaming us for the divisions they have created.

I propose that the time has come for those of us that the dividers have divided to no longer allow them to divide us. We should hold journalists to what they call themselves – being journalists. We should also hold the elected representatives of the people to what they call themselves as well. And lastly, we, the divided, should come together to remove the division that is being imposed on us by no longer allowing the dividers to classify, categorize, and split us apart.

Photo by Ingo Joseph via Pexels

The People That Keep Us Moving

I recently read about a solemn ceremony held every year at the International Towing and Recovery Museum in Chattanooga, Tennessee that hit me with something that I know I never think about.

Each year, probably like many of you, I send some money off to the Automobile Association of America without much thought. Our AAA membership is just something we renew each year as a precaution should one of us become stranded while driving.

It has probably been a good five years since we actually called AAA. The battery in my wife’s car died while she was at work, and I cannot even remember when we used our membership for roadside assistance the time before that.

Regardless of how often we use it, we send that money off to AAA every year because it provides us with the reassurance that if, for whatever reason, we become stranded, while in one of our cars, or even someone else’s, help is just a phone call away.

AAA members make a call, sit and wait, and usually within a pretty reasonable time frame, a tow truck driver that AAA trusts and has certified shows up and either charges a battery or puts on a spare tire, no matter where in America a member may be inconvenienced by a stalled vehicle or a non-functioning tire.

And while we’re thankful for the person that has made it their job in life to be the person to answer that call no matter what time it might be, how often do we actually think of the peril that person may be putting themselves into to help us get back on the road? I know that I seldom think of their job as dangerous. 

But the solemn annual ceremony in Tennessee I mentioned earlier is to honor the people whose names are being added to the Wall of the Fallen at the International Towing and Recovery Museum. This year’s ceremony saw the addition of 22 names to the over 400 that have been added to the wall over the past decade.

These are the names of Americans who get up and go to work everyday and at certain points in their career put their lives at risk to help us keep moving and to get us out of danger. This job actually puts these folks so much at risk that over 400 of them have lost their lives in the past 10 years.

Before reading about this ceremony, I must admit that even after spending over 25 years on the road, I never truly considered the danger that these drivers sometimes place themselves in to assist us.

For this very reason, in many states, including California, tow trucks have been designated emergency vehicles and are afforded the same protections for their operators as any other emergency vehicle.

This means that when drivers in these states approach a tow truck on the side of the road, they are strongly encouraged to slow down and move out of the lane directly closest to the tow truck or other emergency vehicle if at all possible. This gives tow truck operators and other first responders some space between their person and you car, which I cannot argue to be anything other than a pretty good idea.

Robert T. Bouttier, Chief Executive Officer of AAA, writes: The next time you see the flashing lights of an emergency vehicle, please remember to slow down and move over when it’s safe to do so. It’s a simple way we can all help these heroes of the highways to do their job safely.

So, the next time you see a tow truck with its lights flashing, I hope you remember this article and give the driver the same courtesy you would any other first responder.

Photo via Splitshire