In the original version of this tale that we all know so well, the ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. The moral of the story is to be responsible for yourself!
There is a new version of the story circulating on the Internet that has updated and modernized the tale to better fit today’s America. In this new version, the ant still works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper still thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. But in today’s America, the lazy Grasshopper is not left out in the cold to die. Come winter, he calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others, like himself, are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide a split-screen image of the shivering grasshopper on one side and the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food on the other.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. “How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?” they cry out. Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, “It's Not Easy Being Green.” Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, “We shall overcome.” Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Nancy Pelosi and John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
To quote David Allen Grier, “America, have you lost your damned mind?!"
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