“No, I had not heard about this, but it does not surprise me, foreign countries are always meddling in Iran,” said Hassan Mohmmadi, an Iranian fastfood vendor.
This was Mohmmadi’s response when he was told that the Islamic Republic News Agency was reporting that 14 squirrels had been captured by Iranian police near the Iranian border because they were found to have been equipped with eavesdropping devices.
Has the West finally run so far down on our list of options in dealing with a potential threat from the Iranian government that we have deployed our highly-skilled, agile, and possibly deadly squirrel special agents?
Do you think they won’t fall for that type of propaganda on the streets of Tehran? When asked where he thought the squirrels had come from, Hassan Mohmmadi didn’t miss a beat in replying, “I bet they were British squirrels, they are the most cunning.”
Maybe the reports are not that far off base. We used pigeons to carry intelligence out of Nazi-occupied France during World War II. We currently have chickens deployed in Kuwait to give us an early warning of chemical attacks. And, of course, we are using well-trained dolphins to help us locate underwater mines.
Don’t tell me that you cannot picture the scene in the melodramatic Tom Clancy knock-off movie where the CIA Director pounds his fist on his desk and exclaims, “Send in the squirrels!"
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Toilet Paper Regulation
It has finally happened...technology is about to invade one of the most private spaces we occupy...the bathroom stall.
Sure, there have been technological advances since the outhouse, but none as intrusive as the new toilet paper dispenser from bathroom supply magnate Kimberly-Clark.
Sure, you’ve seen new toilet paper dispensers come and go, but I guarantee that you’ll take note of this one. One year in the making, this new electronic dispenser is going to limit you to taking just five sheets of toilet paper at a time.
That’s right, America, the number of toilet paper tissues that you are allowed to use at a time is about to be regulated by the evil corporations. Want proof that they are trying to oppress you? Here’s a quote from Kimberly-Clark’s director of washroom business, Richard Thorne. “Most people will take the amount given,” he says. “People generally will take what you give them.”
Let’s hope Overlord Thorne stays working at the toilet paper company and doesn’t run for office any time soon.
Apparently, Kimberly-Clark spent a good deal of time with focus groups and conducted a good deal of internal research to determine just how much toilet paper was the right amount for us to use.
They report that we gluttonous Americans use twice the toilet paper in a “sitting” as our European counterparts. While Americans are known to use 40 inches of toilet paper a pull, Kimberly-Clark feels that we should be using more like 20 inches, or five standard 4-inch squares. Their new machine can be adjusted to restrict us to a stingy 16 inches, or lavish us with a generous 24 inches, but either way, watch out America...your days of using 40 inches of toilet paper per pull in public restrooms may be numbered.
Sure, there have been technological advances since the outhouse, but none as intrusive as the new toilet paper dispenser from bathroom supply magnate Kimberly-Clark.
Sure, you’ve seen new toilet paper dispensers come and go, but I guarantee that you’ll take note of this one. One year in the making, this new electronic dispenser is going to limit you to taking just five sheets of toilet paper at a time.
That’s right, America, the number of toilet paper tissues that you are allowed to use at a time is about to be regulated by the evil corporations. Want proof that they are trying to oppress you? Here’s a quote from Kimberly-Clark’s director of washroom business, Richard Thorne. “Most people will take the amount given,” he says. “People generally will take what you give them.”
Let’s hope Overlord Thorne stays working at the toilet paper company and doesn’t run for office any time soon.
Apparently, Kimberly-Clark spent a good deal of time with focus groups and conducted a good deal of internal research to determine just how much toilet paper was the right amount for us to use.
They report that we gluttonous Americans use twice the toilet paper in a “sitting” as our European counterparts. While Americans are known to use 40 inches of toilet paper a pull, Kimberly-Clark feels that we should be using more like 20 inches, or five standard 4-inch squares. Their new machine can be adjusted to restrict us to a stingy 16 inches, or lavish us with a generous 24 inches, but either way, watch out America...your days of using 40 inches of toilet paper per pull in public restrooms may be numbered.
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