It has finally happened...technology is about to invade one of the most private spaces we occupy...the bathroom stall.
Sure, there have been technological advances since the outhouse, but none as intrusive as the new toilet paper dispenser from bathroom supply magnate Kimberly-Clark.
Sure, you’ve seen new toilet paper dispensers come and go, but I guarantee that you’ll take note of this one. One year in the making, this new electronic dispenser is going to limit you to taking just five sheets of toilet paper at a time.
That’s right, America, the number of toilet paper tissues that you are allowed to use at a time is about to be regulated by the evil corporations. Want proof that they are trying to oppress you? Here’s a quote from Kimberly-Clark’s director of washroom business, Richard Thorne. “Most people will take the amount given,” he says. “People generally will take what you give them.”
Let’s hope Overlord Thorne stays working at the toilet paper company and doesn’t run for office any time soon.
Apparently, Kimberly-Clark spent a good deal of time with focus groups and conducted a good deal of internal research to determine just how much toilet paper was the right amount for us to use.
They report that we gluttonous Americans use twice the toilet paper in a “sitting” as our European counterparts. While Americans are known to use 40 inches of toilet paper a pull, Kimberly-Clark feels that we should be using more like 20 inches, or five standard 4-inch squares. Their new machine can be adjusted to restrict us to a stingy 16 inches, or lavish us with a generous 24 inches, but either way, watch out America...your days of using 40 inches of toilet paper per pull in public restrooms may be numbered.
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