Mr. Parker, Eternal Vigilance and Our Hard-Earned Money

Remember when we were kids and there were only a few things we had to watch out for? Things like strangers in vans, strangers with candy and strangers that offered you candy to get in their van? Remember when as long as there was an adult you knew and trusted that could see you from wherever they were sitting, things were safe?

I mean, we had to watch out for Halloween candy that had razor blades in it, open bottles of Tylenol and Richard Ramirez that one summer, but all in all, when I look back to those golden years of yesterday, I always felt pretty safe.

Fast forward to today, and I feel like they are coming at us from every angle! You’re able-bodied, you have a job, a little bit of money put away, a decent car and a decent place to live and now, all of the sudden, you are prime target #1 for every sleazeball out there!

We have to watch out when we get money from an ATM because they’ll sneak up on us, or maybe they’ve already placed a card reader over the ATM card slot and are waiting for us to simply take out 20 bucks so they can gank us for all we’ve got! We have to watch out for that same card reader scam at the gas pump, too. I know 99.99% of the people who handle your credit card are trustworthy, but you still do hear about people getting card numbers lifted at retailers these days. It also seems like you stand a much better chance of not getting ripped off by the actual human holding your credit card than you do once the merchant lifts all your personal information off of that card and then stores it in their payment system. Target ring a bell for anyone out there? I didn’t get any fraudulent charges on the card I used that month at Target, but I did get a nice, brand new shiny credit card and new account number from Chase just in case.

And speaking of scams, just this past Saturday morning, I got a phone call I have to tell you about. There I was, minding my own business, about to take a live check to the bank when the phone rang. Yes, folks, an actual live check, if you can imagine! I was going to have to actually walk inside the bank! Can’t remember the last time I had to do that! Yes, those ATM machines sure are scary, but hey, much less scary than the line in the bank or one of those many colorful Orange County bank robbers that get the cool names like the Hawaiian Shirt Bandit, Cool Grandpa Bandit, and Lady In A Crazy Wig Bandit. Yeah, I made those ones up, but you know what I am talking about.

But, anyway, back to my story – back to the phone call. I am about to take this live check to the bank and my cell phone rings. It’s a 202 area code phone number with a caller ID listed in Washington, D.C. My first thought is, what the hell do they want? Haven’t I sent them enough money already this year? I don’t answer the call, but the caller leaves an automated message with the phone number, asking for a return call. Normally, I just ignore these calls, but this is the third call from that number in three days so I figure I better call them back and tell them I am not interested in their magazine subscription, low-low financing on a new automobile or whatever thing it is that they are peddling that I don’t want, that way, at the very least, they’ll stop calling me.

So, I call the number, and that is when it gets interesting. A man that sounds to be about my age or so with a very thick Indian accent answers my call and proceeds to tell me that I have reached the “IRS” and that they have been trying to reach me.

I laugh as I think to myself that the United States Internal Revenue Service sure as hell has never had a hard time reaching me before! They always seem to find my paycheck and me just fine every couple weeks. The man on the other end says that he wants to just confirm that he is speaking to the right person, so I figure, I am game...let’s see what they know about me.

Turns out to be pretty scary – He’s spot on with my first and last name, middle initial, full address, and obviously, my phone number. Granted, this information is available all over the Internet from just about any form I have filled out in the past 10 years, but nonetheless, a little annoying that they have all this info ready and at-hand when they are on the phone with me.

I proceed to tell the man on the phone that I am not sure why they are calling me because I am all paid up. He then apologizes, but doesn’t understand what I mean. I proceed to remind him that he works at the IRS and ask him if he understands what they do there. I explain that the take money from me every time I get paid and then another lump sum once a year, but right now, I am all paid up!

He them proceeds to tell me they have sent me multiple unanswered letters because, apparently, I owe so much in back taxes that I am now subject to a lawsuit being filed against me by the government. Now, keep in mind, this entire time, I am being very patient while this man struggles to get this entire story out in English, tripping up more than a few times.

I proceed to explain to him that since they have my correct address, the letters should have reached me no problem and that I am starting to wonder if he is really calling from the IRS. He then proceeds to tell me that he wants me to write down his name, his badge number, my case number and the toll free number to the IRS so that I always have it handy throughout what is most likely going to be a long and drug-out investigation by the IRS to determine exactly how much money I owe them.

I proceed to listen as “Mr. Parker” – and I confirmed that was the last name he was giving me because believe me, he had a really hard time saying it – gave me his badge number, my case number and the toll free number to the IRS. I looked up the number and it is, in fact, the main information line for our friends over at Internal Revenue.

I then proceeded to explain to Mr. Parker that I still didn’t believe he was who he said he was and that I really did not think he worked at the IRS. Once flustered, he became even harder to understand and I wasn’t really sure what it was he was saying by the time I wished him a good day and hung up the phone.

I reported the number – (202) 684-6436, so you all can keep an eye out for it – to the Do Not Call Registry, which naturally has my phone number as a happy registrant, but as you can imagine, I have very little confidence anything will be done by the folks who actually work in Washington, D.C. to stop these guys from making these calls.

Naturally, a Google search of the phone number yields a number of scam registry sites and complaints and funny stories from people who messed with the person on the phone far worse than I did, but I always think back to all of those episodes of American Greed and all of our elderly Americans who continue to fall victim to scams just like these and it makes me sad that we live in a world today where things like this have really become so common place.

It’s bad enough that I have the real IRS trying so hard to milk me dry, but having to deal with Mr. Parker and his obviously organized scammer friends on one of the two days a week when I am actually trying to relax is really annoying. Makes you wonder how it is that we got here. How is it that I have to now watch out for people who will even go as far as to steal a house – go ahead, look it up – they file paperwork to steal the title to your house from the County Clerk’s office – when all I used to have to do was simply stay where an adult I knew could see me and all would be fine?

Don’t get me wrong, folks, we live in an amazing time, and I know that a lot of us live some really great lives – definitely not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but just remember, as the saying goes, the price of freedom is eternal vigilance, and eternal vigilance is the only thing that will keep me and you from losing our hard-earned money to all the Mr. Parker’s out there.

UPDATE: Looks like this scam is large enough,we're actually doing something about it. 

Who Is Driving Earlier Start To Holiday Shopping Season?

It’s July 1st and you’re walking through your favorite local big-box retail store (or the one you tolerate to save all that money every year) and suddenly, despite it being sweltering outside, you find yourself in the middle of an aisle fully stocked with brand new Christmas decorations. You shake your head and snicker as you say under your breath, “Already?!”

You’re not going crazy, my friends. What was once a holiday shopping frenzy that took up the last month of the year has progressed into a full-blown half-year sales and strategy extravaganza for both retailers and consumers. Who is to blame, you ask? Surprisingly, if you do a little digging, you’ll find this is not a one-sided push from retailers, but in fact, the market reacting to the demands of shoppers.  
Trust me when I tell you that retail marketers don’t want to be in holiday shopping season planning meetings in April, but they also recognize that if they wait until September to start thinking about the holiday season, they will have some serious catching up to do!

In fact, a recent CreditCards.com report shows that not only have more than 30 million Americans already started their holiday shopping by September, a full 50 million say they will start earlier this year than last year. Over 6 million Americans claim they are DONE with their holiday shopping by the end of September and nearly 64 million expect to be complete by the end of November.

From the Fiscal Times:

“We love to complain about stores putting up holiday displays earlier and earlier each year, but the truth is that millions of Americans start holiday shopping long before the first Christmas tree appears in a store,” CreditCards.com industry analyst Matt Schultz said in a statement.

So, gone are the days of black-and-white movies where the family piled into the station wagon and went out on December 24th to buy the tree and all the presents as soon as dad got home from work with his bonus. In today’s consumer-driven, always-open, online retail world, you can expect to see the vibrant colors of a fully stocked aisle of decorations on the first day of Q3. Enjoy your 177-day Christmas shopping season, America!

It's Time To Secure Cyberspace

Whether left or right, liberal or conservative, libertarian or mainstream party hardliner, taxpayer or tax money recipient, I think most of us as Americans can agree the one thing we expect from our government is to shield us from attack.

I am confident when alien invaders strike from above or a foreign army lands on the beach or zombies come streaming across the land, our military will be ready and willing to fight to defend us. But, there is a scary, new frontier that all the aircraft carriers, jet aircraft, smart weapons and the most highly-trained and prepared military force in the world are all powerless to stop without a serious shift in U.S. government policy: cyberspace.

I recently read an article from the U.S. Chamber of Commerce on a small business that was forced to close its doors by a hacker, or a group of hackers, or maybe even that group of folks in those guy-from-England masks themselves. Sorry for the vague and wordy description, but I’m afraid to type out their name in case they have their Google alerts on!

The business featured in the article developed a site designed to allow people to post their opinions on political issues of the day, essentially providing a forum for people to debate back and forth through pre-recorded video. This was truly a small start-up, founded by college students and funded with a mere $35,000. This site could have been the next great thing, but once users posted videos commenting on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, hackers set out to destroy the site.

The attack began by redirecting the site’s main page to another page, which featured a graphic of that famous hacking mask and some green Matrix-style falling letters and numbers. Every time the site’s owners had the page redirect fixed, it was hacked and redirected again. Each time a hack was fixed, it was costing the site’s owners money because paid contractors maintained the site. Though they eventually found some angel coders to fix the hacks for free, the relentlessness of the attacks led the business owners to abandon their site and try to operate their vision through a mobile app. Unfortunately, though, the mobile app never caught on and hackers successfully silenced another site that had great capital potential.

According to a study by the National Cyber Security Alliance, these small business owners are not alone. One in five small businesses becomes the victim of hacking and of those that do, 60 percent go out of business within six months. But, according to a recent U.S. Chamber of Commerce article, as cybercrime increases, our country still lacks policies to defend America’s cyber networks and the companies that use them.

The biggest problem for businesses that get hacked is they simply do not have the resources to fight back. They are completely on their own, fighting the attack in a silo. There is no “911” to call, no federal agency to ask for help when an attack occurs. The business can only hunker down and rely on the limited personnel and funds they have to combat the relentless attacks of people with a very unlimited resource – their own free time.

The only way we can fix this problem is to demand that our government step in to defend these small businesses – to defend us as Americans – just as they would if the hackers landed on the beach with a gunboat and an army in tow.

According to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce:

One of the first steps our country's leaders should take to strengthen our defenses, experts say, is to pass federal cybersecurity information sharing legislation, which would protect firms that share information about data breaches and other cybersecurity-related experiences with public officials and other companies. Without it, business leaders will remain understandably hesitant to share information about attacks for fear of litigation or other consequences.

This sounds like a really great idea to me. Fortunately, legislation that would accomplish this has already passed the House and is being debated in the Senate. Let’s hope the people we put our faith in and send to Washington see fit to make every small business owner just as safe from cyberattacks as they are today from aliens, zombies and foreign armies.