Remember when we were kids and there were only a few things
we had to watch out for? Things like strangers in vans, strangers with candy
and strangers that offered you candy to get in their van? Remember when as long
as there was an adult you knew and trusted that could see you from wherever
they were sitting, things were safe?
I mean, we had to watch out for Halloween candy that had
razor blades in it, open bottles of Tylenol and Richard Ramirez that one
summer, but all in all, when I look back to those golden years of yesterday, I
always felt pretty safe.
Fast forward to today, and I feel like they are coming at us
from every angle! You’re able-bodied, you have a job, a little bit of money put
away, a decent car and a decent place to live and now, all of the sudden, you
are prime target #1 for every sleazeball out there!
We have to watch out when we get money from an ATM because
they’ll sneak up on us, or maybe they’ve already placed a card reader over the
ATM card slot and are waiting for us to simply take out 20 bucks so they can
gank us for all we’ve got! We have to watch out for that same card reader scam
at the gas pump, too. I know 99.99% of the people who handle your credit card
are trustworthy, but you still do hear about people getting card numbers lifted
at retailers these days. It also seems like you stand a much better chance of
not getting ripped off by the actual human holding your credit card than you do
once the merchant lifts all your personal information off of that card and then
stores it in their payment system. Target ring a bell for anyone out there? I
didn’t get any fraudulent charges on the card I used that month at Target, but
I did get a nice, brand new shiny credit card and new account number from Chase
just in case.
And speaking of scams, just this past Saturday morning, I
got a phone call I have to tell you about. There I was, minding my own
business, about to take a live check to the bank when the phone rang. Yes,
folks, an actual live check, if you can imagine! I was going to have to
actually walk inside the bank! Can’t remember the last time I had to do that!
Yes, those ATM machines sure are scary, but hey, much less scary than the line
in the bank or one of those many colorful Orange County bank robbers that get
the cool names like the Hawaiian Shirt Bandit, Cool Grandpa Bandit, and Lady In
A Crazy Wig Bandit. Yeah, I made those ones up, but you know what I am talking
about.
But, anyway, back to my story – back to the phone call. I am
about to take this live check to the bank and my cell phone rings. It’s a 202
area code phone number with a caller ID listed in Washington, D.C. My first
thought is, what the hell do they want? Haven’t I sent them enough money
already this year? I don’t answer the call, but the caller leaves an automated
message with the phone number, asking for a return call. Normally, I just
ignore these calls, but this is the third call from that number in three days
so I figure I better call them back and tell them I am not interested in their
magazine subscription, low-low financing on a new automobile or whatever thing
it is that they are peddling that I don’t want, that way, at the very least,
they’ll stop calling me.
So, I call the number, and that is when it gets interesting.
A man that sounds to be about my age or so with a very thick Indian accent
answers my call and proceeds to tell me that I have reached the “IRS” and that
they have been trying to reach me.
I laugh as I think to myself that the United States Internal
Revenue Service sure as hell has never had a hard time reaching me before! They
always seem to find my paycheck and me just fine every couple weeks. The man on
the other end says that he wants to just confirm that he is speaking to the
right person, so I figure, I am game...let’s see what they know about me.
Turns out to be pretty scary – He’s spot on with my first
and last name, middle initial, full address, and obviously, my phone number.
Granted, this information is available all over the Internet from just about
any form I have filled out in the past 10 years, but nonetheless, a little
annoying that they have all this info ready and at-hand when they are on the
phone with me.
I proceed to tell the man on the phone that I am not sure
why they are calling me because I am all paid up. He then apologizes, but
doesn’t understand what I mean. I proceed to remind him that he works at the
IRS and ask him if he understands what they do there. I explain that the take
money from me every time I get paid and then another lump sum once a year, but
right now, I am all paid up!
He them proceeds to tell me they have sent me multiple unanswered
letters because, apparently, I owe so much in back taxes that I am now subject
to a lawsuit being filed against me by the government. Now, keep in mind, this
entire time, I am being very patient while this man struggles to get this
entire story out in English, tripping up more than a few times.
I proceed to explain to him that since they have my correct
address, the letters should have reached me no problem and that I am starting
to wonder if he is really calling from the IRS. He then proceeds to tell me
that he wants me to write down his name, his badge number, my case number and
the toll free number to the IRS so that I always have it handy throughout what
is most likely going to be a long and drug-out investigation by the IRS to
determine exactly how much money I owe them.
I proceed to listen as “Mr. Parker” – and I confirmed that
was the last name he was giving me because believe me, he had a really hard
time saying it – gave me his badge number, my case number and the toll free
number to the IRS. I looked up the number and it is, in fact, the main
information line for our friends over at Internal Revenue.
I then proceeded to explain to Mr. Parker that I still
didn’t believe he was who he said he was and that I really did not think he
worked at the IRS. Once flustered, he became even harder to understand and I
wasn’t really sure what it was he was saying by the time I wished him a good
day and hung up the phone.
I reported the number – (202) 684-6436, so you all can keep
an eye out for it – to the Do Not Call Registry, which naturally has my phone
number as a happy registrant, but as you can imagine, I have very little
confidence anything will be done by the folks who actually work in Washington,
D.C. to stop these guys from making these calls.
Naturally, a Google search of the phone number yields a
number of scam registry sites and complaints and funny stories from people who
messed with the person on the phone far worse than I did, but I always think
back to all of those episodes of American Greed and all of our elderly
Americans who continue to fall victim to scams just like these and it makes me
sad that we live in a world today where things like this have really become so
common place.
It’s bad enough that I have the real IRS trying so hard to milk
me dry, but having to deal with Mr. Parker and his obviously organized scammer
friends on one of the two days a week when I am actually trying to relax is
really annoying. Makes you wonder how it is that we got here. How is it that I
have to now watch out for people who will even go as far as to steal a house –
go ahead, look it up – they file paperwork to steal the title to your house
from the County Clerk’s office – when all I used to have to do was simply stay
where an adult I knew could see me and all would be fine?
Don’t get me wrong, folks, we live in an amazing time, and I
know that a lot of us live some really great lives – definitely not trying to
be a Debbie Downer, but just remember, as the saying goes, the price of freedom
is eternal vigilance, and eternal vigilance is the only thing that will keep me
and you from losing our hard-earned money to all the Mr. Parker’s out there.
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