"Viva La Revolucion, Raul!"

To quote Fidel Castro when he made an unofficial appearance on The Simpsons, "It's full of what?!"

Communists, Fidel. Cuba's government is filled with communists. And that is why the nation is failing. It is why the Soviet Union failed and why all the communist block countries failed. China? Without China's capitalism, it would be failing also. But maybe, just maybe, Cuba's government will not be filled with communists much longer.

We all know there was no way Fidel could have gone back on his word and dismantled the Cuba's communist regime himself, but now that 79-year-old little brother Raul is the "President", things may be looking up for Cuba.

In an unprecedented step towards joining the modern world, Raul proposed term limits for "the current president of the Council of State and his ministers". That would mean no more 52 year-long, family-based ruling, and according to Raul, would be replaced by no more than two consecutive 5-year terms in office for everyone, including himself.

Raul is also proposing, based on suggestions he has received from the Cuban people, the eventual elimination of rationing, the decentralization of the economy, and reliance upon supply and demand to set prices in some areas. The reforms stop short of people actually being able to own property, but this is a big step in the right direction.

Raul states that a lack of young Cubans interested in politics and carrying on the regime is also a prime reason behind the proposed changes. Most of the original Cuban communist revolutionaries are already deceased and none of the oppressed following generations of Cubans are wanting to step in to replace them. Raul says he will fix this through reform and a "systematic rejuvenation" of the Cuban government.

These reforms still need to be made law by the government, but political experts believe Raul will move quickly to ensure his reforms are put in place. Let's hope so.

The Coming Second Civil War?

According to Igor Panarin, a popular Russian academic and former KGB agent that currently serves as the dean of the Russian Foreign Ministry's academy for future diplomats, by the fall of this year, the United States will be beginning its slide into a bitter, yet much speedier, Second Civil War that will see the United States split into six separate, smaller nations, heavily influenced by foreign governments.

In my lifetime, everything from Red Dawn down to Jericho has depicted that the United States would eventually disband into roughly a handful of separate nations, but according to Panarin, not only is this really in the cards for us, but it is right around the corner.

So, how is this all supposed to come about? According to Panarin, our economic slide will eventually result in a total economic collapse, with extremely hard times quickly resulting in a moral collapse. With their economies in trouble, and their populations on a slippery slope, the wealthier, yet more economically troubled states will be forced to halt the delivery of state dollars to the federal government, essentially financially seceding from the U.S.

In these hard economic times, with loyalty to the federal government quickly waning, social unrest and upheaval will not be far behind, according to Panarin. The U.S. will split along ethnic lines and shortly, thereafter, officially break up. 

Not long after the break up, foreign powers will move in an exert their influence. Get ready to learn Chinese, because according to Panarin, the western states will form under the banner "The California Republic" and come under Chinese influence or even Chinese rule. The southern states from New Mexico to Florida will form "The Texas Republic" and come under Mexico's influence, or rule.

The northeastern states from Tennessee and South Carolina on up to Maine will form "Atlantic America" and successfully maintain their independence from foreign powers until they are allowed to join the European Union. The northern central states from Montana to Colorado on over to Ohio will become "The Central North-American Republic" and will align themselves with the great Canadian power to the north.

Alaska is going to quickly come under Russian rule and Hawaii will quickly come under Japanese or Chinese rule. According to Panarin, all of this will be solidified and new maps will be going to press by June or July of 2010.

I already have my application in for Supreme Dictator of The California Republic, though that application also petitions for a more catchy name. In the event my application is denied, we already have the little Bavarian town we're moving to picked out.

Panarin's views are gaining ground in a very anti-American Russia and he counters critics by citing the wall of skepticism that French economist Emmanuel Todd received when he predicted the economically-driven fall of the Soviet Union in 1976.

Ukraine's Samyilo Adamovich

Since being let out from underneath the Iron Fist of the Soviet Union, Ukranian historians have been digging deep into their history, an endeavor that was virtually impossible under communist Soviet rule.

According to the Ukranian press, Ukranian historians have uncovered evidence that a man by the name of Samyilo Adamovich moved to London shortly after the Russian-Swedish war in 1708.

Once in London, Samyilo changed his name to Sam Adams, and eventually moved from London to the American colonies, where is son, Sam Adams, was born and later became the Sam Adams that we know today.

Ukranian historians also claim to have found a 1712 draft of a constitution strikingly similar to ours.

Keep Your Plutonium...

You’ve heard of the police stings where they send notices to people with arrest warrants that say they have won a car or a boat, then when the unsuspecting criminal shows up to claim their prize, they get handcuffed instead...You’ve also heard of programs where law enforcement officials buy back weapons, right?

Well, frighteningly enough, there is enough unaccounted-for nuclear material in Russia that they are combining the sting and the buyback and have offered to buy nuclear material at $8.25 per milligram, then are arresting the people that bring in large quantities of material.

The program has yielded an arrest of a former government enrichment plant worker. The man, Leonid Grigorow, received word from the Russian government that they were closing his plant in 1992, but when Leonid’s requests for disposal of the plant’s weapons-grade plutonium went completely unanswered by the Russian government, he simply put all 400 grams of the plant’s plutonium in a lead case, took it home, and put it in his garage, where it has been since 1992.

Upon hearing about the buyback program, Leonid did the math and realized that 400 grams at $8.25 per milligram would yield him $3.3 million, but when he went to turn in the plutonium, Leonid was arrested.

Let’s all thank the Russian government for teaching everyone that turning in plutonium to the proper officials will result in an arrest, while selling it to terrorists will actually probably get you the $3.3 million.

America Back On The Moon?

It almost seems trivial to be discussing space exploration at this point in American history, but I guess I must agree that we must keep on reaching for the America of tomorrow.

How else are we going to one day unite the world under the People’s Democratic Republic of the United States of the World? How many stars are on that flag?

I’m OK at looking towards space again as long as enough government is still working to keep us safe from terrorism before we are forced to divert those resources into figuring out how to defend ourselves from the subterranean Martians that we are going to piss off one day by landing on their planet.

First and foremost, despite the tragedies of 1986 and 2003, a push back to the moon, then on to Mars will most-likely result in the retiring of our space shuttles. As someone who grew up and aged with them, I will be sad to see the shuttles go, but we all know that they have outlived their mission.

The shuttles represent so much of the America that I grew up in...the America that finally defeated the Soviets and won the Cold War. As we bid farewell to our old work-horses, we will then need to decide if we launch our next round of moon missions direct from Earth or from the International Space Station. Will we see a new shuttle-like craft for transporting people and cargo to the space station? Will we see a new generation of Saturn 5-style rockets, or will we see both?

Either way, the best experts agree that for the sheer sake of technological advancements and the continually falling cost of that technology, man will be back on the moon within 15 years.

They say we will build a moon colony this time around and will have the technology for permanent residence on the moon. Yet another pristine, virtually untouched planet for us to litter with empty potato chip bags!

Once we have established our moon base, it will be time then to look to Mars, which these same experts say man will step foot on in about 25 to 30 years. I truly would love to see man on Mars before the end of my lifetime, but I must admit that I wonder how it will fit into our ever-changing lives here on Earth and which of man’s weaknesses and political and ethical quandaries will follow us up into the stars...who am I kidding? We all know that it will be all of them.

So, here is to empty Doritos bags littering the Martian countryside because, at least, as William Burrows pointed out in the WSJ, we will have spare humans on other worlds so that humans will survive when we finally destroy the Earth.

So, now that we have the pipe dream in place and can rest assured that we will not need to divvy up the surface of the moon with the evil Soviet empire this time around, how in the world are we going to pay for all of this? Well, that’s what they said before we went to the moon the first time and we managed to pay that bill off.

We’ll just have to sit back, keep paying our taxes, and see what happens.